- Butterfinger: Better Than Bug People -

Anything's Possible. Keep Thinking.

2009-06-10T02:53:11Z

Wow. You know what? I'm gunna keep makng the title as whatever add is on the side while I'm writing this.

That's a lie, no I won't. -.-"

Well, hmm. What to say, what to say.

I haven't updated this in so long -.-"

School's almost done. I have two art culminatings to work one (three pieces), some civics, some history, and religion.

*sweatdrop*

But hey, I'm Public Relations next year for Arts' Council =D

Which means I make the posters, announcments, etc. =D I'm soo excited! :iconimhappyplz:

Disappointment

2009-04-23T20:01:54Z

Why does disappointment always have to come before accomplishment?

Yes, I am asking you, dear Non-Judgemental journal. Why does it?

I mean, I was all set for today. I had strong points, a great attitude, and had a decent conversation with the teller at the convenience store (I routinely buy Rockstars). Then I had fun in art, I felt inspired, and I could not wait for the debate in history.

And everything went downhill from there.

I love history (more of the modern history, or authentic history), especially war history, but that is besides the point. The debate was on a topic I felt, and feel, somewhat passionate about. And of course this happens, I get put on the side that I disagree with.

Hey, I'll ignore my usual pessimistic point of view and live with it.

And it gets even worse. My side of the debate is weak: we cannot win. I know this, the whole class knows this. And we still try, and desperately try to grasp victory.

Again, the arguments suck ass, but I can live with it.

Though the thing that bugs me is that I could not find the words to rebuttal the huge amount of arguments from the opposing side. They were either right, or full of false facts. Yes, false facts; facts that I can rebuttle and earn points from.

And, of course, I could not find a statement to back myself up with. If I rebuttaled, I would be literally repeating the arguement and saying, 'You're wrong', and then sitting down.

So fuck that.

After, I was filled with disappointment. Disappointment from the few peers who expected better of me, and disappointment from myself, for failing.

It's a joke amongst my ground of friends. I constantly 'fail', and lately, I feel that is the only thing going for me.

At school, I'm different then at home or cadets. At school, I try to not let my emotions show. Well, that goes for everywhere. Ever since I can remember, and I am speaking very literally, I have thought emotions were weak.

But only the emotions I show.

Happiness is fine, anger is fine. But sadness, disappointment, I cannot deal with. I basically bottle everything up until one day a dam burst and a cry for a good hour, over a year's worth of issues.

Yes, I believe crying is weak. Though only if it comes from myself.

And lately, this has just been geting worse. I'm usually better at hiding all of this, but...

Failure is the only emotion following me at the moment. It's constantly there, and jumps in when another emotion is not occupying me at the moment...

People wonder why I like cadets so much; why I am so prone to joining the Navy.

Cadets and the activities related to it are the only things I feel going for me. Hell, it's the only thing I excel at. Art, there's always someone better, there are always projects I do poorly on.

But cadets? Yea, there might be better cadets, but I excel at it. It's the only thing I feel and know I can excel at. It's my home.

You know that feeling of complete contentedness and calm washing over you when you go somewhere familiar? That is what I get at cadets, but more specifically when I went on the ship HMCS Charlottetown. As soon as I stepped on the deck, I felt right at home, inspired, and safe.

I don't even feel this in my own room, let alone anywhere else.

See NJJ? Cadets is the only thing I can count on for true, pure happiness these days. The only thing that I feel truely secure in, the only thing in which I feel so safe and relaxed.

The only thing that I do not fail at.

Humptastic

2009-04-22T20:10:56Z

Alright, so today I made an interesting discovery....

Okay, so me and a bunch of friends hang out in this one 'crook' at our school: basically a small square metre of space with a wall, door, and a side of a locker with an open space. Everyday we pile in there and chillax during lunch, if the weather is not good enough to toss the 'ol frisbee around (because we are so cool like that).

So, everyone in this corner, which was affectionately called the 'Emo Corner', knows about yaoi, shotacon, and the like.

(Yaoi: Boy/Boy, Man/Man, HOMO love. Preferably with sex. Yes, me and most of my friends read hot gay sex, so sue me. Shotacon? Go look it up in the urban dictionary.)

So, a guy friend, whose name shall be 'Bob' for this journal, was talking to his friend 'Pete', of how me and a few of the girls tend to slash them together. (I, for one, am an avid slasher, which means I pair guys up with each other and basically imagine them in a relationship together, in which hot gay sex ensues).

Bob, in fact, is a guy friend I am currently infatuated with, but that shall be further explained at a later note.

So, Bob begins telling us of he and Pete would probably have a great and sex-filled relationship if they actually were gay, which led to many vivid images flashing through my head.

After all of this, of course, Bob goes on to explain that he has actually kissed two other guys, and then the third one frenched him.

Nosebleed followed shortly, and obviously I am not doing his story any justice whatsoever.

Purpose of this journal? I needed to update this, wanted to talk about gay sex, and was forced to warn my poor journal that I will most likely write real-life gay fiction of these two...

These two will have better names, so no worries.

*sigh* Oh, and did I forget? These guys were pretty gorgeous. And nerdy. And full of AWESOME.

Side Note: I had a very happy 16th birthday, passed my cadet exams, and found out I have a crush on another person who is named Matt.

TBC...

Guilt

2009-04-14T20:49:50Z

So, I have finally done it.

I wrote, dare I say it, M fanfiction.

Storm Hawks, Stork/Finn.

I AM SUCH A DIRTY PERSON D=

Side Note: I also made a Soul Eater Kink Meme: http://community.livejournal.com/soul_eater_kink/

GO! REQUEST! WRITE! BE THE PERVERTS I KNOW YOU ARE!

- What's Your Credit Score? -

2009-04-13T01:22:32Z

Dear Non-Judgmental Journal,

Do you not just hate those idiotic advertisements that pop-up on your screen, or flash annoyingly at the the side while you are trying to concentrate on enjoying the manga and/or fan-fiction?

I sure as hell do!

Those advertisments, why are they there? Who made them? Who made the concept? How are they made? Who would actually pay to set those immensely annoying things on websites?!

And, on top of that, who would actually believe them?

Of course, as any intellectual human being could note, one must put in the factor that some of these advertisements are legit. Some are about ancestry, online-stores, causes, up-coming events, the list goes on.

But I refuse to even acknowledge the thought that someone would click the, 'You have just WON $100,000 and a FREE IPOD! CLICK HERE!', without even one doubt of being scammed or phished.

Please, and I thought my definition of reality was bad.

A song to describe my current mood at the moment: 'Stuff Is Messed Up' by The Offspring. A genius song; catchy tune, catchy lyrics, and the ever-present message of how everything is totally fucked-up.

Now I don’t know, and it’s hard to explain
But it seems like things are just kind of insane
Because the world is crying
But nobody’s listening
So please leave a message on my cell phone

I see bullets getting better
Biblical weather
And that guy on TV is like a total asshole

Can you not identify with these [genius] lyrics?

Who are you wearing tonight?
Celebrity fundraiser, tight!
Black ties making wrongs right
How’s your social Band-Aid?

I don’t know much
I don’t know too much
But I know this
Shit is fucked up!

*sigh* It so is.

I guess it’s all about the dream
The ends justify the means
You know it’s all about the dream
The ends justify the means

Now thank god for the media, for saving the day
Putting it all into perspective in a responsible way
With more celebrity news
Typical bullshit views
I think we’re losing this fight
Sponsored by Bud Light

I was giggling with insane laughter at this point. I mean, how can you not laugh and nod in agreement?

And now we’re rockin’ the casbah
And taking the flak
The genie’s out of the bottle, and we can’t put it back
All this stuff
It’s overwhelming my brain
Can you see the storm comin’?
It’s coming this way

That part I cannot quite get, but it is still awesome.

I don’t know much
I don’t know too much
But I know this
Shit is fucked up!

I guess it’s all about the dream
The ends justify the means
(I'm telling you, this shit is fucked up!)
You know it’s all about the dream
The ends justify the means

At this point I began dancing...

Shopping Sprees, RPG’s
Ecstasy
Atrophy
Genocide
Pimp my ride
Politize
Euphemize
Injustice everywhere
Apathy
I don’t care
Hurricanes
Climate change
Huh!

And I just gave up even mouthing the words at this point...

Therapy, I won’t tell
Rehab and LOL
Worldwide calamity
TV Reality
Euthanize, supersize
Death squads and boob jobs
VIP infamy
Gratify instantly

Again super-fast rythmic talking

I don’t know much
I don’t know too much
I don’t know much
I don’t know too much

'Tis true, dear friend. I do not know too much!